Refuse to be Passive

How Did I Get Here AGAIN?

In Uncategorized on June 10, 2013 at 8:51 am

This morning I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I poked the pudge around my middle. A slight frown appeared on my face, my eyebrows scrunched together in dismay. How did I come to this again? It’s not even like this is the first time around! I’ve tried losing weight for years, and finally a few years back, I lost it and kept it off for two years. Now, as I look in the mirror, all I see is the old pudgy me. And I feel disappointed in myself. I want to be so much more than this. I want to be so much more than someone who is controlled by food.

Here’s the rub. I know what to do and how to do it, but getting from head knowledge to action has been too much of a jump for me to make in the past six months. Now, I am finally starting to get to that point where I say, “Enough is enough. If you want it, do it. If not, quit complaining.” The truth is, I do want it. But do I want it enough?

Last night the downstairs tenant invited me down for tea and rhubarb crisp. It sounded enticing, so despite the fact that I’d already munched my way through my entire day, I went do and had a healthy portion anyways. After one bite, I knew that this crisp was less than memorable, and yet, rather than setting it off to the side, I cleared my small bowl of all food remnants. Why? Because it was there. I wasn’t hungry, it didn’t taste excellent, and yet I still ate the whole thing. Alright. Time for a change.

So here I sit this morning, typing at my computer. I’ve had a healthy breakfast—one of the only meals of the day where I find this simple to do—and now begin to contemplate what I really want out of life.

For many people, they struggle with getting enough exercise, whether it be outside, or getting to the gym. For me, that’s not such a struggle. I sure could use some weight training and a bit of cardio, but I walk at least 5km a day, simply to and from work. Other days its much further. I also enjoy biking. But I’m sick of lugging around all this extra weight  on my frame. It’s absurdly hard on my body—my heart, my joints, my lungs. 

For me, the real change needs to happen in portion control. Most of my food choices are healthy, I simply eat too much. Along with my desire to stop eating so much and get back into a healthy weight while maintaining a healthy state of mind, are a few other things that have also fallen by the wayside.

I used to write. Anyone who has been following this blog for the past few months knows that lately my writing has been sporadic at best, non-existant at worst.

I used to take time to serve others. Now I volunteer only once every other week.

I used to take time in the morning for meditation and reflections. That’s gone the way of the dodo.

So there are a few things that I’m looking at changing in my life. However, before change can come, I need to know what I am working towards. So without further ado, another list. Yes, I love lists, and I make a lot of them. So here she is:


Changes I am Working Towards:


1)      Weight-loss/Healthy Eating while maintaining a Healthy Mindset

  1. Current weight 190.8 (on a 5’11 frame). Goal weight: 160.
  2. First 5% = 1.5 lbs – Did you know that even a five percent weight loss has significant health benefits for your body? And 1.5 lbs? I can do that!
  3. Reduce my fat, sodium, and refined sugar consumption
  4. Keep a food journal, so that I can tell what I’m eating and where the empty calories lie
  5. Make food-free zones in my house—like my bedroom.
  6. Commit to distraction free eating. Eat with intentionality, focus on your food. You’ll leave the table feeling satisfied, rather than wondering where all your food went.
  7. Eat slower. I am a scarfer by nature. My entire family eats quickly. By slowing my food intake, I will give my body time to register when I am full.
  8. Stop eating when I’m full
  9. Don’t eat out of stress or boredom. Stress= drink tea or water. Boredom= find something to do.

2)      Return to Morning Meditation

  1. For me this means a return to doing my devotions and reading my Bible on a regular basis—it takes me out of my head and makes me realize that there is more to this world than just my tiny little sphere, my little mental space. It also inspires me to make a positive influence in this world. Goodness knows it needs more of that.
  2. Relaxation—I am notorious for being unable to just sit and be. But I think it’s a good practice. Let go of the cares of the day, forgive, reflect, clear your mind. Move on.

3)      Write!

  1. Despite the fact that I’ve be remiss from my writing as of late, I really do love to write. Even now, I am looking at the clock and saying, “Where did the time go?” Writing is a great release for me, and a way to connect with those I have never met and may never meet. It is a way to find common ground in a world that seems fractured. It is a way to parse through thoughts and then get feedback. To write or not to write? It’s not really a question.


If you find yourself wanting to start your own journey, I encourage you to first sit down and contemplate what you’re working towards. Then set yourself small goals. Work towards them one by one. It’s much easier to handle tasks that are broken down into pieces. What may seem like climbing a mountain, is really a matter of just being willing to start putting one foot in front of the other. And the view from the top? Astounding. 


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