Refuse to be Passive

Horrible Me

In Uncategorized on November 22, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Some days I feel like a horrible person. I judge quickly, and have a tongue that lashes out venomous words. I am too polite to say these words in front of the individual to which they are related; I save them up, storing them until I can find another who shares my frame of mind, then I retell my tales of injury and woe. These tales are inevitably followed by a good verbal whipping directed at the fool or bristled individual who has made me feel I am less than acceptable. I leave the conversation feeling justified for the words I have let flow. After all, if an individual can be so insidious and nasty to a fellow human being, do they not deserve the gossip and berating I dole out behind their backs? I am the worst of sinners.

Voltaire said many wise words, and on happiness he said, “I have chosen to be happy, because it is good for my health.” Smart man, smart words. And yet, I often opt to ignore the sage advice. Another quote I’ve heard– although I don’t know its source– is, “Don’t expect to see positive changes in your life when you surround yourself by negative people.” On the whole I would say that I surround myself with generally positive people, which makes me scared that I am the negative one, dragging others down.

Beyond my tendency to stray into the negative, I also have a tendency to justify. Rather than following the advice of Ghandi, who said, “Be the change you wish to see,” I tend to simply complain when it seems something isn’t fair, give up on a good work when the going gets tough, and in general will blame my lack of change on factors that surround me. Rather than doing what I should and recognizing that the only want stopping me from positive change is me, I latch on to other things and use useless excuses such as, “It’s just too hard.” What kind of an excuse is that? The only person who can make you change is you. The only person who cam make me change is me. I can let others influence me, be it positive or negative, but at the end of the day, the one who makes the decision is me.

I don’t have to be a horrible person. I don’t have to make horrible choices or speak horrible words or think horrible thoughts. I don’t have to talk about others behind their backs because they’ve hurt me or I think they’re fools. No. What ever happened to grace? What ever happened to mercy? What ever happened to turning the other cheek? I’ve fallen into a bad pattens, and now I have to get up and move on. Hopefully those around me will remember that the only time it’s alright to look down your nose at someone is when you’re helping them up. Actually, that’s a good thing for me to remember as well.

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