Refuse to be Passive

Oh no, not again.

In Uncategorized on October 5, 2012 at 8:34 am

Do you ever have one of those times when God seems to be speaking to you and you get this overwhelming feeling of dread? I do. I have it right now and it scares me. It scares me to the point of tears. I can’t go back there. I can’t do it again. Is that really what God is calling me to? Is that really where he wants me? I just moved to Jasper five months ago. I just finally got all my furniture in place last month. I’ve secured a new job for the winter. And now I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong place. I know that God can use you wherever you may be, but I also know that he has plans for you, and choosing to follow his plans isn’t always easy. I’m scared. The thoughts running through my head include, “How about Edmonton? Edmonton is closer. I can do Edmonton.” But I don’t think that’s an option. I’m hoping what I feel as a call is more of a self-projection. I’m hoping that this concept will not dog me. But at the same time, in order for it to not dog me, I’ll have to stop reading, stop growing in faith, and stop developing in thought. That is simply not an option for me. Now the question becomes when and how? I want to do some Woofing, to get a feel for organic farming and gardening. I want the opportunity to get my hands dirty. I want the opportunity to learn. Do I do that here? I certainly can. Oh goodness, I’m scared. I’m petrified, really. Please no. I don’t want to go back. But even as I say that, a niggling part of me says, “You know that’s not true. You know that if you went back in different circumstance, it could all be different. Follow the call.” Oh no, oh no.

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