If you are looking for uplifiting words of wisdom on this day, stop reading now. While this may not be a bitter diatribe, it will certainly not be a post filled with joy. Consider yourself warned.
The sun shines brightly through the window, making clear the streaks on the glass, forcing a comment from a flatmate that we really should clean that window. Yes, it’s a thought, and it will probably remain merely that for weeks or months to come. The brilliant red Amaryllis in the window is nearing the end of its cycle for another year. In a week, the blooms will be gone, we’ll cut back the green, and place the bulb into hibernation until next winter. The tiny potted African Violet sitting next to it is drooping, ignored and dejected next to the brilliance of it’s flowering counterpart, and also probably from a lack of water. As I gaze at the African Violet, pathetic and wilting, I can’t help but see it as a reflection of myself in my current state.
This weekend has seen more tears than the past year. A couple of months of mild depression, combined with a cumulation of stress that has finally ceased has allowed my body the opportunity to crash. I have a headache, start crying at random, and drown my sorrows in cake mix and all other manner of unhealthy sugar laden foods. My weight has been going up since prior to Christmas, and I’m now officially over my lifetime goal weight with Weight Watchers which also causes stress. But my diet probably isn’t helping either. Large amounts of refined carbohydrates, artifical sugars, and caffeine all effect the ability of the brain to provide proper neurotransmitters and cause fatigue. So, really, there’s a lesson to be learned in all this, and it’s one I already knew, “Eat healthy, feel healthy.” So why is it so hard to do? Well, I think that’s another blog post all on it’s own. Funnily enough, when I get depressed, all the things I shouldn’t eat become what I crave. How frustrating life can be. How frustrating. There are other aspects of life that are also causing stress and probably aren’t helping with the crash, but to be honest, writing about them only helps to a certain extent and then it starts to make things worse. So for now I sign off. A good day to you all.