Refuse to be Passive

The Long Weekend

In Life in General on May 24, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Another long weekend has come and gone. Now we wait until July for another excuse for an extra day off work.

My May long was uneventful, but for the most part, delightful. I spent the warm Saturday and Sunday wandering my neighbourhood, taking in the farmer’s market, discovering a local coffee shop owned by an artist (great little place), admiring the blossoming trees, and snapping numerous pictures. I baked and cooked, including triple chocolate brownies with caramel that will make it into my regular repertoire. There is nothing redeeming about them, aside from the fact that they’re delicious. I managed to finish one novel and almost get through the second one. I did word puzzles and watched movies. It truly was a relaxing weekend.

Monday proved to be a bit of a challenge for me though. The warm sunny weather was replaced by a cold drizzle, and I was forced to stay inside. I don’t know what it is about rainy days, but they always seem to start out well, and end poorly. At first I bask in knowing I’m keeping cozy in my house. But part way through the day, I start to get bored. I’ll look for things to do, but cease to find them. I’ll discover I’m sick of reading, don’t want to do my laundry or clean, and there are only so many word puzzles one can do. It’s then that loneliness sets in.

Normally I am thrilled with being single. I love the independence, the power, the fact that I can make my own decisions and don’t have to ask anyone else for permission. Earlier in the weekend I’d been grinning like a fool over the freedom I have. But then the sunny weather turned cold, and so did my mental state. I began to wish that there were other people around. I was feeling socially isolated. It’s at time like that, when I wish for a companion, a family– my own husband and kids. I know they can drive you nuts, and I know that you can feel lonely with them around. But at least the boredom would be quelled, and maybe, even the loneliness. These bouts are rare for me, but do make me realize once again that humans are made to be social creatures. They’re made to live in families– be they linked by blood or no. They’re made to live in community.

It’s Monday and I’m back to work. My social needs have stabalized, and I’m back to normal again. But there’s still a nagging in the back of my head. How long until it hits again? Will I ever have a family and kids? Will I ever find someone who wants the same things out of life that I do?

In a couple of months I move to Toronto to go to culinary school. After that, I plan to get my Red Seal and then travel. In a couple of months I go down a road that I believe will leave me single for a very long time. I’m a little intimidated by that.

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